Ready to Party Once Again? Kandi Store Launch Party is Tomorrow and I Got Caught With a Ho. – by Charlie Blueduck

Hello again party people,

So tomorrow is our very colorful, very estrogen laden Kandi store launch party; free booze from 8 to 9 pm courtesy of Bong Spirit Vodka. Some prizes are in store along with the chance to win a free laser pube shaving for the ladies when you participate in this quiz and a gag ball for the boys along with paddles to spank the motherfuckers.

Ok this last one is courtesy of me.

Last time I posted, I was talking about my daring whore out time with the Kandi girls and the fact that I was dating them all at the same time and they kind of found out.

Let me briefly describe the situation:

It was a dark stormy night…..

I was hanging out with Ruby, the sexy brunette freak and having a few glasses of Vodka from the bong looking bottle, and having a few cookies, non addictive, of course, and watching a movie.

She wanted to watch porn and I wanted to see the 2 and a half men show. The previous night I had been with Goldie and she drained my brain and other moist areas, beyond their throbbing capacity to dispense… love and other goodies.

A little scuffle ensued as my love piece was being sought after with vengeance by this little nymph whose raven hair framed a little evil look on her face, especially after I said: “Honey, I am not in the mood”.

As I went to the washroom to wear protective gear over my junk, I had left my phone behind and lo and behold, she read all my shit.

Yes, I got caught as simple as that. All my last texts and messages were between the Kandi girls and myself, which were mostly explicit in nature and to say that my ass almost got barbecued is an understatement.

Good thing I have wings. I grabbed my phone and jumped out of the window right before Ruby succeeded in making a Charlie Kabob with a giant plastic phallus that is 3 times my size. I could handle any size but that shit was jut big!

Any case, I was summoned to appear before them next day in order to give an accurate account of my whoring with each one of them without them realizing it.

As a man/duck of his word and honor, I complied and like all of my gender have the tendency to do when we are scared, I stood behind a bullet proof glass with bars and two bouncers next to me, just for good measure and in case of a drive by from one of these sneaky ladies… present and past.

Seriously, it only happens to me; I have to hire body guards to keep me safe from the ladies. It is hard to be me, really, I can’t help it.

Well, regardless of the amount of trouble these ladies want to get me into, I am INNOCENT. Just because they read shit on my phone doesn’t mean I did it. Ok maybe yes but still, it’s a free country and we are talking about me, Charlie; therefore I am bound to be in a lot of naughty trouble.

Oh and I was under the influence of vodka that came out from a bottle in the shape of a bong, which was bad ass, so I can’t be blamed for any ass-holery that may have taken place!!

Ok so that is it for now. If you see me tomorrow with black and blue all over my face it has nothing to do with my ass getting kicked by the Kandi girls, but simply it’s them girls trying their make up on me.

that is all for now, see you all tomorrow.

Charlie Casanova D