Lust is In The Air and It Tastes Like Kandi by Charlie Blueduck

My fellow Americans:

You all may think is a little quiet around these here parts, perhaps too eerily quiet but not exactly when I’m around. Even if you don’t see me you can always hear the moaning and the screaming from far. You will always think and know it is from me. Now, ladies and gents, do I have stories to tell you:

See, every time we have a party, I meet people. Of course, who doesn’t want to hang around me and take me home to replace their dolphin toy and do bad things with my head etc etc.??  I’m simply irresistible like that.

After our last party in the clouds (non hallucinogenic, if y’all remember), my beautiful curvy swan ran away with some Italian stallion, thus leaving me heart broken and horny. In order to emotionally retaliate against the Gods of love and all that mushy shit, I decided to date right and left and that’s what I’ve been doing as of late.

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