Hello my darlings.
Happy new year, to all my NY party people and plebs around the world who have been bestowed upon and blessed with handling my squeaky ass or partaken in all manner of mutual fondling under the spell of sparkly, foamy and spicy cocktails.
Although you haven’t heard from me in a while, that doesn’t mean that I’ve been excused from partying and the foolishness that can ensue prior, during and as a result of partying, because I certainly have… and in more ways that I should have wanted.
Being that none of you gives a fuck as to my whereabouts, here is a little rundown of what’s been left of my fate.
Just like any other of the bird species, once the cold started to roam around the northeast, I decided to grab my shit and migrate. Not to the south, but to the east, all the way to Europe. Although it was equally cold, Europe in the fall gives me the opportunity to commit further cuntery and get away with it.
So just to rub it in, here are some pics of a few places I went to.
Howdy my dear party animals!
Are y’all ready!?
Prior to today’s party, I’ve been doing some carnal rehearsals abroad. Mainly, whoring it out in Europe as a prelude to what is supposed to come today. In more ways than one, I’m sure.
You horny lot.
In any case, last time I mentioned how I’ve been glowing like a chubby hard on with fluorescent colors and shit after eating McDonald’s radiation water and sticking it in the wrong places.
Now, it’s been about 4 weeks since I’ve been glowing like a light saber, in the shape of a duck and rumor has it that animal control has me in their top ten most wanted for indecent exposure (apparently only cats and dogs are the only ones allowed to publicly display affection for their privates parts).
To compliment it, with a red cherry on top, they want to fry my ass too. Apparently I’ve caused too much of a raucous partying all over New York and it’s caused a socially infectious epidemic that makes people turn into fluorescent colors, just like yours truly.
So they are calling me a disease, how dare they!?
Therefore, meantime, I ask all of you to let me hide among yourselves tonight, since everyone will be glowing, I’m sure I will fit right in. Feel free to hide me in the usual body crevices, holy mounds and other (erogenous and otherwise) areas you can squeeze me in, protect me from harm and have a blast at tonight’s party.
Respect, drink responsibly and have fun, you guys!!!
Hello party people and partners in all things naughty.
After unconsciously ingesting radiation water I started developing a little bit of discomfort and side effects. We’re talking glowing body parts….and not my duck wings….but my love piece. Now there are two ways I could handle this. Freak the fuck out!!! OR…use my new glowing apparatus as a tool:) So every party I went to chics were using me and my nuclear reactive duck parts to find shit like their lost cell phones, lipsticks, write phone numbers on their hands for douche bags to call them later, you name it! I felt like a total hero!! Thanks Radiation stuff in a dumpster bin!
Hello again party people,
So tomorrow is our very colorful, very estrogen laden Kandi store launch party; free booze from 8 to 9 pm courtesy of Bong Spirit Vodka. Some prizes are in store along with the chance to win a free laser pube shaving for the ladies when you participate in this quiz http://thekandistore.com/survey/index.php?sid=94436 and a gag ball for the boys along with paddles to spank the motherfuckers.
Ok this last one is courtesy of me.
Last time I posted, I was talking about my daring whore out time with the Kandi girls and the fact that I was dating them all at the same time and they kind of found out.
Let me briefly describe the situation:
It was a dark stormy night…..
I was hanging out with Ruby, the sexy brunette freak and having a few glasses of Vodka from the bong looking bottle, and having a few cookies, non addictive, of course, and watching a movie.
She wanted to watch porn and I wanted to see the 2 and a half men show. The previous night I had been with Goldie and she drained my brain and other moist areas, beyond their throbbing capacity to dispense… love and other goodies.
A little scuffle ensued as my love piece was being sought after with vengeance by this little nymph whose raven hair framed a little evil look on her face, especially after I said: “Honey, I am not in the mood”.
As I went to the washroom to wear protective gear over my junk, I had left my phone behind and lo and behold, she read all my shit.
Yes, I got caught as simple as that. All my last texts and messages were between the Kandi girls and myself, which were mostly explicit in nature and to say that my ass almost got barbecued is an understatement.
Good thing I have wings. I grabbed my phone and jumped out of the window right before Ruby succeeded in making a Charlie Kabob with a giant plastic phallus that is 3 times my size. I could handle any size but that shit was jut big!
Any case, I was summoned to appear before them next day in order to give an accurate account of my whoring with each one of them without them realizing it.
As a man/duck of his word and honor, I complied and like all of my gender have the tendency to do when we are scared, I stood behind a bullet proof glass with bars and two bouncers next to me, just for good measure and in case of a drive by from one of these sneaky ladies… present and past.
Seriously, it only happens to me; I have to hire body guards to keep me safe from the ladies. It is hard to be me, really, I can’t help it.
Well, regardless of the amount of trouble these ladies want to get me into, I am INNOCENT. Just because they read shit on my phone doesn’t mean I did it. Ok maybe yes but still, it’s a free country and we are talking about me, Charlie; therefore I am bound to be in a lot of naughty trouble.
Oh and I was under the influence of vodka that came out from a bottle in the shape of a bong, which was bad ass, so I can’t be blamed for any ass-holery that may have taken place!!
Ok so that is it for now. If you see me tomorrow with black and blue all over my face it has nothing to do with my ass getting kicked by the Kandi girls, but simply it’s them girls trying their make up on me.
that is all for now, see you all tomorrow.
Charlie Casanova D
My fellow Americans:
You all may think is a little quiet around these here parts, perhaps too eerily quiet but not exactly when I’m around. Even if you don’t see me you can always hear the moaning and the screaming from far. You will always think and know it is from me. Now, ladies and gents, do I have stories to tell you:
See, every time we have a party, I meet people. Of course, who doesn’t want to hang around me and take me home to replace their dolphin toy and do bad things with my head etc etc.?? I’m simply irresistible like that.
After our last party in the clouds (non hallucinogenic, if y’all remember), my beautiful curvy swan ran away with some Italian stallion, thus leaving me heart broken and horny. In order to emotionally retaliate against the Gods of love and all that mushy shit, I decided to date right and left and that’s what I’ve been doing as of late.
Hello party mammals
So it’s been over a week since our Nuit Blanche party, which was a great success!!
The hot afternoon was busy with setting up posts for pictures and promo with Meetmoi and Milano Vodka, at the venue.
Quack quack y’all!!
So, today is party time.
I’m taking my hot Swan for a date and mischief; and I like to be watched, so that’s why we have over 770 RSVPs that will come and watch us get freaky and party.
Remember to all dress in white, if you can, my Swan and Sally would totally appreciate it. Love stains and such are less visible when you wear white.
Trust me on this.
Since I’m a plastic blue balling duck, there is no way I’m dressing in white because, that would make me less desirable. Therefore I will be blue, like my sac, all throough out the night, and possibly green by tomorrow during hangover.
Ok, time for me to get my beak polished, wax my junk and get ready to party.
Remember fellas, free entrance, free booze for 1 hour and please behave, be good and responsible with the drinking. I’ll be over flying the field and those who misbehave or get into asshole mode are subject to be splashed with bird poop courtesy of moi.
See ya all tonight!!
Hello hello darlings,
My apologies for not permeating the air with my presence in this here blog in a while.
I’ve been sick as fuck. I got sun burnt, dehydrated and hungover.
I’ve felt like an impaled version of roasted duck, with the metallic thing going from the ass up to my headless torso and going in circles over flames etc etc. But I’m still equally toasty and delicious, though.
And no, I’m not in hell because of my deviousness and lecherous activities. Not yet.
This is as a result of a short trip I did to Arizona this weekend. Hiking and bathing myself under 115 deg sun. Since my eyes and heart are already tied to this awesome and beautiful Swan, I have the feeling I will be getting hitched and pussy whipped as soon as we make this official, therefore, before that happens, I needed some single Charlie time and chase tail somewhere else where I can’t be caught.
Anyhow, more on the trip and other details later, but in the meantime, I hope you are all ready for tomorrow’s party http://www.facebook.com/events/177777482350147/ Free entrance, free booze for the first hour and free hook ups don’t y’all forget!. You know you all want a piece of me and some of the hot tail that go to our parties as well.
Behave!!!!! You ladies, especially! 😛
The party is sponsored by awesome hook app called Meetmoi, which I talked about previously and this is how I met my cute, white fluffy ass Swan; Milano Green Vodka, who, if you haven’t tried it yet, is an amazingly tasty and awesome drink. For those that not only want to get wasted but end up bouncing off the walls, there is HARD, the world’s first energy Mixer and if that is a little too much energy for ya, try some Gourmet Iced Coffee by RealBeanz, which is so damn good, especially for those hot and sweaty moments in our parties where everyone is in a good mood, partying, flirting, ogling and getting shit faced. (run on sentence I know, bugger off). By the way, them two girls that serve these drinks are a pair of beautiful human creatures, which if it weren’t because I am a freaking animal, I would tap ask them both to come home with me and abuse me.
Anyways, I’m in the final process of courting my bitchy Swan and convince her that I am a nice boy toy so I can finally take her to our party/date tomorrow and have my way with her afterwards.
So, I will be back tomorrow here right before the party for last minute details and raciness on my part to keep you all shocked or entertained.
Charlie Casanova D
Alright you guys,
So I’ve been having major computer issues for the past week, not as a result of me not having fingers to type on a computer (thank you smart asses, but I sure have fingers to do plenty of other things ppfffttttttt) but as a result of…. well I don’t know.
Shit just won’t work!!!!!