Sally Reviews Jurassic World

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A QUICK MOVIE REVIEW OF JURASSIC WORLD: By Sally Golan of Social Exposure.

The first Jurassic Park movie blew my mind. I was also in the 3rd grade. So crayons also blew my mind.

But still.

It was epic.

So I decided to check out JURASSIC WORLD last night and here is what I thought.

And no, I am not going to warn you about SPOILERS. If you seriously don’t know what the movie is about then you are too young to be my FB friend.

1) This is the most expensive branded advertisement in the planet. The following narcissistic companies found their way into the film ever so obviously:

Verizon Wireless

Starbucks

Mercedes Benz

Beats By Dre

Samsung

Mercedes Benz – again

Coke

FedEx

Jimmy Buffet’s Margaritaville (WTF)

Mercedes Benz… seriously… again

Pandora Jewelry

Triumph Motorcycles

And fucking Mercedes Benz.

2) Chris Pratt looks like Sam Worthington‘s clone, with just as much emotional gravitas.

3)Wow, Christina Hendricks from Mad Men sure lost a lot of weight. Oh… wait… Wrong redhead.

4)If I were in this movie, I would be THE ABDOMINAL REX. Small, obsessed with bicycle crunches and hungry. Hungry all the time.

5) Does this movie have a script? Here are some of my favorite lines, skillfully crafted by the studio intern:

“Take the kids and go someplace safe.”

“These animals are alive… you know?”

“Hey… Don’t give me that shit!”

and finally:

“Woaaaaahhh.”

I have to say, I am going to forget that I even saw the movie. Not because I am trying to forget it. Because it’s simply forgettable. Like, I don’t even have to try.

And the crowd seemed to agree since a good 10 people kept leaving the theater to “pee”.

This movie gets a MEH and a PFFFF from me.

BUT… I love the Abdominal Rex. So strong. So very very strong.